I suspect the risk of rejection might be the worst part of trying to make a difference.
It is a big risk. You literally have to ‘stick your neck’ out there …
You put your work out there. You dare to show up. You claim your right to seek a change, to make an impact.
And what if you get nothing back? Or worse, criticism?
What if someone sees your vulnerable neck and lands their sharpened axe?
It makes sense to stay out of the way!
But if you are called, if you have touched that part of yourself which is moved to make a difference, then you need to put yourself out there.
A temptation immediately arises, though we don’t think it out loud.
What if I could avoid rejection by being for everyone???
Surely, if I am for everyone, then at least someone will choose me ….
But don’t be fooled. Don’t fall into this trap.
It is inclusivity flavored risk-avoidance.
Because the dratted, unavoidable truth is that trying to avoid the risk of rejection only makes it more likely!
We are setting ourselves up.
If we fail to choose our focus, we become just anyone.
Marketing done differently
Do not wait to be chosen was my first insight about marketing done differently, and I am grateful to Seth Godin for teaching it.
He said: do not wait to be chosen.
And it blew my mind.
Do not wait to be chosen. Choose who you are for and then show up for them with generosity, compassion and persistence.
Once you choose, everything becomes easier.
Choosing someone is a relationship magic trick.
Remember a time when you were chosen by someone unexpectedly? Remember how that made you feel.
We are hard wired to enjoy being chosen because we are social animals. We feel safe when we belong (which is why rejection hurts so much!).
Being chosen in a non-creepy way feels amazing for most people.
This is why the most important step in the practice of effective, ‘permission marketing’ is choosing who you are for.
But I don’t want to choose!
Choosing is hard!
Not only because the risk of rejection really sucks.
FOMO makes it tough to “collapse the quantum wave function” … to go from endless possibilities to one limited focus.
The truth is, you are an entire world in and of yourself.
You are not here for only one reason.
But if you do not choose to focus, you become just anyone. And then there is no difference you can make.
Deciding to choose a focus is a challenge for most of us.
You need to get it as a strategy. As a practice. As a gift and an opportunity
Remember, you are not tied to anything. No choice is set in stone.
You can always go back. You can always find a new focus.
So give yourself permission to choose one focus and take it all the way. You must choose in order to go deep with it, to take it all the way and make your impact.
Once you are clear about what and who you stand for, you can go after them, generously, with respect, persistence, patience and love.
Do not wait to be chosen. Choose your focus and understand who it is for.
Constraints are not the opposite of freedom
Here is a secret that you probably already know …
Constraint is not the opposite of freedom. Structure is not the opposite of flow.
The right structural constraints create flow.
Just think of a river, making its way from mountain to sea.
Where the river is narrow, the flow is fast and strong.
And flow in its turn, creates structures.
The water carves its way into the landscape creating the extraordinary beauty of gorges and canyons.
Choosing your focus is a way of narrowing the river and energizing your flow.
It is about allowing yourself to direct your power.
It is about the only thing you need to make your difference.
But the trick is that you do have to choose.
Or better to say: you get to choose.
Choosing is a gift and an opportunity as much as it is an agony and a burden.
It is about finding the right kind of structural constraint.
It isn’t easy but you’ve got this.
And the world needs you.
If some help would help, I teach a structured practice called Find your Focus.
Find your Focus gives you a structured, step-by-step course of ideas, practices, and action exercises along with the momentum of tackling the hardest parts, together, to take you to the core of why you are here so you can sustain the energy to make your difference.
Step by step, experientially … you build your muscles for a technique you can use over and again, to grow your practice and make your difference.
If you’re interested, join my mailing list for regular tips, resources and offerings about making your difference, and hit reply to any email to let me know.
You’ve got this.
And the world needs you.
Love
Hellene